I HATE Camping!
by Giver of Roses
Summary: Kitty runs into an ODD group of villains from modern books and movies.Sirius is tagging along just 'cause he can.Durza is searching for fairies from the Artemis Fowl series.Saint Dane is leading and Draco is very confused now.Raistlin's plot.
1. Chapter 1

A tale of power hungry wizards, shades NOT lampshades, plots to rule the World, etc. Crossover of Dragon lance,Harry Potter, Inheritance Trilogy, and Bartimaeus Trilogy. REVIEW.

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Dragonlane Chronicles, Harry Potter, The Bartimaeus Trilogy, or The Inheritance Trilogy. . . _Woah. . .I don't own _a lot _of things (Yet) **

The sun had long set, and a full moon lit a small clearing in a dense forest. A patch-worn tent leaned against a tree next to the campfire.

Kitty had just turned off her flash light when two of three things happened simultaneously.

She was knocked to the ground by a giant dog. . .and the fire imploded. . .

Kitty blacked out only to awake to the sound of a very disgruntled dog _muttering_ odd words under his breath. The fire place burst to life and a tall man in black walked into the light. His eyes were a deep red and his black hair greatly contrasted his pallid skin. He knelt in front of Kitty and looked her straight in the eye, almost as though he could see into her mind if he focused hard enough. Kitty grimaced,_ he looks like a magician, only magicians are snobby enough to prance around in tight black leather. . ._

The man frowned slightly. "Where are the rest of them?"

". . ."

"Answer me!" He roared, brandishing a double-edged sword. _Yep. Magician alright._

". . . There is no one else" Kitty said after a while, wriggling slightly to loosen the ropes around her. Not in the least bit intimidated by his shenanigans. " Careful. . .Don't hurt yourself, swords are sharp you know." Kitty muttered, _almost out. . ._

" You're not supposed to speak to anyone, remember?" Spoke a different voice. Kitty stopped struggling and turned to see a pale youth leaning against a tree with an annoyed expression on his face. " Ignore Durza", he said motioning vaguely to the man in front of her. " He's still upset about coming back from the dead!"

"Shut up, I'm fine!" Durza yelled.

"There you go. . .Waving that sword around, as if you could actually _use_ it. . ._Pathetic_." The youth sneered.

"Leave him be Malfoy" Yet another voice hissed. Kitty shuddered and looked up to see a frail man in black robes. He walked as if the whole world was on his shoulders. He turned his ice cold gaze to Kitty, Kitty shuddered again, and the main narrowed his golden hour-glass eyes at her and turned on Durza.

"I told you to avoid contact with this world." The man pulled a dagger out of his boot and began tossing it hand to hand, moving steadily closer to the cowering Durza.

" '_World_'? What is that supposed to mean?" Kitty asked the man."And who are you?"

The man stopped tossing the blade and began to chuckle. The laugh turned into a hacking cough and the man doubled over, black robes billowing around him.

"I am many beings!" He snarled

"Menee Bee Ings? WHAT KIND OF NAME IS _THAT ?" _Durza shrieked.

" YOU MEAN I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING A QUACK NAMED MENEE INGS?! I'VE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED-" Durza fell over. ( An interesting reaction caused by being hit with a light bulb. (Which was conjured and chucked by man in between coughs, and was thrown with rather good aim, I might add.)).

A long story condensed. . . Durza and the scary man in black (He did tell Durza his real name ( Which was Raistlin, if you're that curious), but Durza was so horrified by the thought of serving someone with such an odd name as Menee Ings that he was on the ground rocking back and forth, totally unresponsive to the man's tirade.(Or Raistlin's, as we've now learned his name to be. Or SHOULD have if you were paying attention to my semi-pointless add-ins)

**Evylon here... I apologize for the insanity in this odd fanfic... Please REVIEW, I would like to know how my story has been received. **

**On a side note: If you are fond of Cheetos, HP DVDs, bridges, gloating over the imminent doom of Please insert villain name of your choice, miniscule robots, paperclips, overall insanity. . . Do check out my other stories and (drum roll please ) REVIEW!!!!**

**IF THIS CHAPTER IS CONFUSING to you, don't stop reading HERE, go to the next chapter and I will explain what is going on in the story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Evylon_ here! To make sense of everything because my readers are probably VERY confused by now. . .(hehehe). (Readers- "YES! WE ARE!")**

**Raistlin (From _Dragon lance_) was experimenting with a medallion that can bring you back from the dead. In the Afterlife he meets Durza and learns of his last battle. He also runs into Draco Malfoy (Who had just been killed by the Dark Lord for not finishing off Dumbledore) and learns of _his _taste for revenge. Unfortunately when trying to return back to _his_ world with Malfoy and Durza, they end up in London, three years after Nathaniel's death.**

**Kitty (From _Bartimaeus Trilogy) _was simply camping in the middle of a deserted woods for _no reason_ whatsoever. (Why? Simple! Because _I_ can't think of a reason.) Kitty has been attacked by Durza. And when I left off was being interrogated by him on the whereabouts of _"'Them'"._**

**Durza (From _Eragon) _has been brought back to life by Raistlin. He's having problems dealing with coming back from the dead. He managed to get his hands on the Artemis Fowl series and is trying to follow Artemis's footsteps in exploiting the fairies... He thought Kitty would know. (I know. . . SO random.)**

**Draco Malfoy (From _Harry Potter_) is currently, VERY CONFUSED (Like my readers.) about being in an alternate London. And NO, he didn't read the _Artemis Fowl_ series after Durza did.**

**Bartimaeus (From _Bartimaeus Trilogy. Hence the name) _was summoned by Kitty a day before her camping escapade. He hadn't come to her aid when Durza attacked because Kitty had sent him to London to buy the next books in the all to familiar series; _Harry Potter _and _Artemis Fowl._**

Kitty blinked rapidly, in an attempt to understand what had just happened. It didn't work. . . Durza was still on the ground rocking back and forth, Malfoy was scowling at the whole affair, and Raistlin still trying to convince Durza that his name was NOT 'Menee Bee Ings'.

_Meanwhile. . . In London. . . (Bartimaeus's POV)_

W


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